chemistry exam is on monday

Chemistry exam is on this Monday,
I keep on telling myself,
But, I do nothing,
keep on surfing net,
doing nonsense,
facebook-ing,
aimless-ing,
day dreaming,
Finally, I found that here is where I wish to come,
cause I have not been talking to a person about myself for long long long long long time,
huh,
I am not talkactive person,
I can keep myself silent for the whole day,
cause there is nothing much to say,
just feel so lazy to talk to the others,
feel sad sometimes,
but I definitely don't know why I feel sad,
since I have many friends around me,
I guess I know why,
It is just that I don't want to reveal the reason,
Let it be kept in my heart forever and ever.
I only have them,
I only trust them,
though they don't know me well,
though I exist in this world because of them.

Trial exam is about one month time,
but but but but but but.......
huh.... tired tired tired tired.....

Tired~~ tired~~ tired~~ aaarrrgggghhhh~~~

I feel like going back home,
I am so tired of studying,
Why can't I just stop studying and live in Debak forever and ever with my parents?
Why others can choose to be as simple as possible...
Become teachers,
Become helper at their shops,
Become government servants,
Become a simple person...
Why should I need to strive so hard to become well known?
Why?
Why??
Why???
Why I cannot just stay at home and help them?
become a good girl that will always be there for them,
with daddy and mummy...

But when I stay at Debak for a long time,
I feel like I am rusting,
I feel like I am useless,
Why on this Earth, everything is just happened out of my expectation?
I want something I will have it,
I don't want something that will stick to me forever and ever.
I am so tired,
extremely tired,
sometimes, I even think of commit suicide...
Am I crazy?
Am I weird?
huh~~ I don't know~
I don't know what is happening...

Afternoon mare!!

I dreamt about he passed away just now~~
It was so scary~~
I woke up and sat there and cried~~
oh my goodness~~
:'(