A different me

Today is Saturday,
again, I am going to be all alone,
I hope that I can be more productive today,
doing revision,
doing research about my ideal universities,
improve my english...
Fighting~~ =)

chemistry exam is on monday

Chemistry exam is on this Monday,
I keep on telling myself,
But, I do nothing,
keep on surfing net,
doing nonsense,
facebook-ing,
aimless-ing,
day dreaming,
Finally, I found that here is where I wish to come,
cause I have not been talking to a person about myself for long long long long long time,
huh,
I am not talkactive person,
I can keep myself silent for the whole day,
cause there is nothing much to say,
just feel so lazy to talk to the others,
feel sad sometimes,
but I definitely don't know why I feel sad,
since I have many friends around me,
I guess I know why,
It is just that I don't want to reveal the reason,
Let it be kept in my heart forever and ever.
I only have them,
I only trust them,
though they don't know me well,
though I exist in this world because of them.

Trial exam is about one month time,
but but but but but but.......
huh.... tired tired tired tired.....

Tired~~ tired~~ tired~~ aaarrrgggghhhh~~~

I feel like going back home,
I am so tired of studying,
Why can't I just stop studying and live in Debak forever and ever with my parents?
Why others can choose to be as simple as possible...
Become teachers,
Become helper at their shops,
Become government servants,
Become a simple person...
Why should I need to strive so hard to become well known?
Why?
Why??
Why???
Why I cannot just stay at home and help them?
become a good girl that will always be there for them,
with daddy and mummy...

But when I stay at Debak for a long time,
I feel like I am rusting,
I feel like I am useless,
Why on this Earth, everything is just happened out of my expectation?
I want something I will have it,
I don't want something that will stick to me forever and ever.
I am so tired,
extremely tired,
sometimes, I even think of commit suicide...
Am I crazy?
Am I weird?
huh~~ I don't know~
I don't know what is happening...

Afternoon mare!!

I dreamt about he passed away just now~~
It was so scary~~
I woke up and sat there and cried~~
oh my goodness~~
:'(

M6

These are my friends in M6, Taylor's college.
This photo was taken 3 months ago I guess so.
During that time,
we were still not very close,
4 of us are Sarawakians (Martin, Haw Rong, Cheng Xin, me)
{have the smell of forest, there is a big bird in the sky}
2 of them are from Muar, Johor (Tevi, Shielin)
{otak-otak}
one is from Kuantan (Ya Wern)
{... ...}
The rest are from KL (Abi, Michelle, Ai Lin, Zhen Hua, Jonathan, Aaron, Ying Jing, Carol)
{like to honk when driving}

I am glad that I have this small group of peers,
cause they are so nice,
so caring,
so friendly,
so funny,
so charming,
We can get along with each other very well now,
we like to make fun in class now,
we like to have lunch together now.

Time flies,
but as time flies,
it fails to bring along the sweet memories among us,
we will always remember each other,
though only eight months,
it means a lot for me,
because I grew up and learnt many things from Taylor's.

p/s : friendship forever~~ <3

12:47am

I had just finish doing something meaningful to me,
and it is quite late now,
I am listening to music,
cause I don't feel like sleeping,
the tense atmosphere is finally gone,
cause I couldn't stand for one week,
so I took action first,
and I feel relieved now,
huh~huh~huh~

Am I crazy?
I have a bad habit,
I like to open facebook after few minutes to check notifications and stalk others' profiles,
what is wrong with me?
Oh my goodness,
I am so so so so so lifeless,
I can't believe I am addicted to facebook now.
I should control myself.

p/s : have to go to bed now, cause tomorrow will have thursday blue.... : p

I don't like the tense atmosphere

why am i so bad?
if someone talks to you, i must make eye contact,
but what did i do!!!
i didn't even make eye contact with,
i am so bad!!!
i never learn to forgive others,
i only know how to escape,
this should not happen to me,
if this keeps on going on, then i am going to live in guilt,
forever and ever,
Give me one week,
and I will be okay.
and I will improve our relationship.