When I am Here

When I am here,

I have no one to talk to,

When I am here,

I feel lonely,

When I am here,

I feel dissapointed,

When I am here,

I feel lifeless,

When I am here...

Here I am... ... ...

Age does matter,

I think different from the others,

Maybe this is why I always don't get along with the others easily... ...

A call

Heng Lun phoned me just now,
It makes me happy whenever he phones me,
He phones me,
means he still somehow needs me,
He told me that he is going to work at 100% store,
he is going to stay at laogu's house...
He is such a good brother to me,
we do not quarrel too often,
though quarrel,
he is always the one who will speak to me first...

I miss him somehow,
He would not have become like this,
if he was not born in this family,
Mum and dad are just too immature to raise kids,
I never blame them for anything...

Sometimes, I don't even feel warm and being loved by them,
But, I am glad to have them as my parents,
If they do not exist,
Felicia Chong is just nothing,
I am not going to exist in this world,
I am not going to become Heng Lun's sister.

Dear Heng Lun,
Don't worry,
che che is always there for you...
when you feel tired just come back and look for che che,
I know you need a listener,
I know you need a person to understand you,
No matter what happened to you,
you are always my brother,
I am glad to have you as my brother...
我们有难同当,
有福同享,
我不会离奇你...

p/s: I want to hug him so badly... :'(
wait for me to go back ya...
will buy you present...

Final

Am having final now~~
but, I am wasting my time again~~
I read novel and the storyline was so sad~~
I was touched~~
I spent 3 hours in reading novel,
So I will spend 3 more hours doing revision~~
Psychology,
here I come!!
*fighting* =)

A different me

Today is Saturday,
again, I am going to be all alone,
I hope that I can be more productive today,
doing revision,
doing research about my ideal universities,
improve my english...
Fighting~~ =)

chemistry exam is on monday

Chemistry exam is on this Monday,
I keep on telling myself,
But, I do nothing,
keep on surfing net,
doing nonsense,
facebook-ing,
aimless-ing,
day dreaming,
Finally, I found that here is where I wish to come,
cause I have not been talking to a person about myself for long long long long long time,
huh,
I am not talkactive person,
I can keep myself silent for the whole day,
cause there is nothing much to say,
just feel so lazy to talk to the others,
feel sad sometimes,
but I definitely don't know why I feel sad,
since I have many friends around me,
I guess I know why,
It is just that I don't want to reveal the reason,
Let it be kept in my heart forever and ever.
I only have them,
I only trust them,
though they don't know me well,
though I exist in this world because of them.

Trial exam is about one month time,
but but but but but but.......
huh.... tired tired tired tired.....

Tired~~ tired~~ tired~~ aaarrrgggghhhh~~~

I feel like going back home,
I am so tired of studying,
Why can't I just stop studying and live in Debak forever and ever with my parents?
Why others can choose to be as simple as possible...
Become teachers,
Become helper at their shops,
Become government servants,
Become a simple person...
Why should I need to strive so hard to become well known?
Why?
Why??
Why???
Why I cannot just stay at home and help them?
become a good girl that will always be there for them,
with daddy and mummy...

But when I stay at Debak for a long time,
I feel like I am rusting,
I feel like I am useless,
Why on this Earth, everything is just happened out of my expectation?
I want something I will have it,
I don't want something that will stick to me forever and ever.
I am so tired,
extremely tired,
sometimes, I even think of commit suicide...
Am I crazy?
Am I weird?
huh~~ I don't know~
I don't know what is happening...

Afternoon mare!!

I dreamt about he passed away just now~~
It was so scary~~
I woke up and sat there and cried~~
oh my goodness~~
:'(