失去了自己

渐渐的发现自己的情绪越来越不能控制。越来越依赖人了。是时候找回自我了。

我变自私了。

我真的应该反省。

难道你喜欢一个人待在家吗?

别人也不喜欢啊。

你就不能为他人想想吗?

对不起。我会反省的。

凌晨一点，在赶着报告。但是思绪又不知道飘到哪儿...
心情又很复杂......
真的觉得自己是好朋友的绝缘体... ...
永远都不会找到一个... ...
因为太喜欢呼吸乱想了... ...
比较喜欢无忧无虑的生活... ...
当哪天我回头看看我在这儿写的一点一滴... ...
会不会发现我渐渐成长呢??
真的觉得我对朋友的占有欲太强了... ...
是时候保持距离, 毕竟这世上没有人会陪你一生一世... ...
很多时候, 埋怨完了, 很多事情还是要自己面对,所以我决定不再依赖人了... ...
这次的友谊即将是最后一段... ... 从此不会再让自己受伤了...

2015全新的我

我回来了。。。。

真的觉得用华语来表达自己比较贴切。。。

毕竟以后我还是这个部落格最忠实的读者。。。

更新我的部落格是我2015年想做的事。。。
想改变自己很多很多。。。
到了·医院真的体会到了生命是如此的短暂。。。

要瘦。。。
要找到生活中的另一办。。。
要旅行。。。
要 做个好医生。。。

假期

这次...真的厌倦了...面对着家庭的种种..兄弟的幼稚,父母亲的唠叨...逼得我无处可发泄...这里就是我唯一的管道...我开始体会到为什么别人家的小孩到了假期就喜欢去旅行....

comparison

I think I made too much comparisons,
compare India with Malaysia,
these for sure will include food, accommodation, water supply, electricity...
compare my awesome buddies with friends...

I should stop it,
cause it will disappoint me from time to time~~
I think I should give myself sometime to adapt to India,
and as well as spend more time with new friends,
our family background are too different that,
I feel tense up sometimes...
Why I become so impatient???
Why I become so un-talkactive???
Why am I do not behave like myself??
Why????

don't care...
don't care too much...
study first...
then, see how...
see how for tomorrow...
It is so tired to get too emotional....
I will sure mentally exhausted...
:(

xxxxxxx

I can understand you don't know me well~~
I can understand you still need time to understand me~~
But...
Don't you think that,
you should have some principles in life,
that is what you no need to understand,
cause you already knew since you were born.
Boys are not born to wait for girls,
as well as friends are not born to wait for friends,
you can do it for several times,
But please~~
don't you do it again and again...
I promise I will not let the others to wait for me,
Seriously,
cause it is annoying~~
=.= 

To my dearest friends:

I wish for you,
to have love all around,
your whole life long.

I wish for your days,
to be filled with laughter,
kind words and joyful songs.

I wish for you,
to have beautiful,
new things to happen
to you each new day.

I wish for you,
every choice to lead you,
to the most blessed way.

And I wish for you,
strength for the difficult times,
for courage to carry on and
grace to fulfill your dreams.

=)

Life in India

On the first day I entered class,
I read through the book,
I asked myself,
why do you choose to come here???
You should listen to your mum,
Just stay in Malaysia,
do whatever you like,
why should you go to India and suffer?

But... ...
after I thought for a while,
I am determined,
this is what I want,
I told myself,
This is not a wrong decision,
I am meant to be here.

=)

A message from Tay Haw Rong

Haw Rong

‎Felicia Chong!!!
*slap you!* what's in your mind now?!!
age does not gives a boundary or whatever shyt okay.
we've been together for 8 months, went through happy time, sorrow and even harsh time. this is what makes us together rite...?
we are a group of friend, and will remain to be.
dun you get emo everytime we quarrel okay. this is the way we are used to be dontchu think so? :)
be positive lahhhhhhhhh you. xx

I dun say this face to face coz we'll end up scolding nonsense for sure. :p

Bullshit

This is a group created for gossip in Facebook... ...
It is quite abondoned... ...
However, we talked a lot in this group... ...
maybe... ...
after 10 years, when I read the posts that I had written,
I will find some memories about this group again... ...
This group of people,
they taught me a lot,
Friends are like this... ....
"Ta Ma De!"
"F****!"
"Funny lah you!"
"Chicken!"
I will definitely miss you all when I leave Taylor's... ....
All of you are damn polite,
especially Tay Haw Rong and Sia Te Vi... ...
both of you are too real... ....
I like it,
no hesitation... ...
just be who you are... ...
make me feel very comfortable to be with you guys... ....
I no need to pretend,
Just be what I am,
I felt guilty recently,
cause I never revealed the truth about my age,
I think I should tell you people before we leave Taylor's College,
I don't want you guys to know my age from the others or simply guessing,
I revealed it myself... ....
and I am glad you guys don't mind... ....
: )
Thanks you, Tay Haw Rong~~
I quarreled the most with you,
but I feel happy to quarrel with you... ...
It is fun... ...

Once again, thanks you very much... ...
Tay Haw Rong,
Sia Te Vi,
Yap Shie Lin... ...
You are part of my life... ...
You will always be in my heart and mind... ...

When I am Here

When I am here,

I have no one to talk to,

When I am here,

I feel lonely,

When I am here,

I feel dissapointed,

When I am here,

I feel lifeless,

When I am here...

Here I am... ... ...

Age does matter,

I think different from the others,

Maybe this is why I always don't get along with the others easily... ...

A call

Heng Lun phoned me just now,
It makes me happy whenever he phones me,
He phones me,
means he still somehow needs me,
He told me that he is going to work at 100% store,
he is going to stay at laogu's house...
He is such a good brother to me,
we do not quarrel too often,
though quarrel,
he is always the one who will speak to me first...

I miss him somehow,
He would not have become like this,
if he was not born in this family,
Mum and dad are just too immature to raise kids,
I never blame them for anything...

Sometimes, I don't even feel warm and being loved by them,
But, I am glad to have them as my parents,
If they do not exist,
Felicia Chong is just nothing,
I am not going to exist in this world,
I am not going to become Heng Lun's sister.

Dear Heng Lun,
Don't worry,
che che is always there for you...
when you feel tired just come back and look for che che,
I know you need a listener,
I know you need a person to understand you,
No matter what happened to you,
you are always my brother,
I am glad to have you as my brother...
我们有难同当,
有福同享,
我不会离奇你...

p/s: I want to hug him so badly... :'(
wait for me to go back ya...
will buy you present...

Final

Am having final now~~
but, I am wasting my time again~~
I read novel and the storyline was so sad~~
I was touched~~
I spent 3 hours in reading novel,
So I will spend 3 more hours doing revision~~
Psychology,
here I come!!
*fighting* =)

A different me

Today is Saturday,
again, I am going to be all alone,
I hope that I can be more productive today,
doing revision,
doing research about my ideal universities,
improve my english...
Fighting~~ =)

chemistry exam is on monday

Chemistry exam is on this Monday,
I keep on telling myself,
But, I do nothing,
keep on surfing net,
doing nonsense,
facebook-ing,
aimless-ing,
day dreaming,
Finally, I found that here is where I wish to come,
cause I have not been talking to a person about myself for long long long long long time,
huh,
I am not talkactive person,
I can keep myself silent for the whole day,
cause there is nothing much to say,
just feel so lazy to talk to the others,
feel sad sometimes,
but I definitely don't know why I feel sad,
since I have many friends around me,
I guess I know why,
It is just that I don't want to reveal the reason,
Let it be kept in my heart forever and ever.
I only have them,
I only trust them,
though they don't know me well,
though I exist in this world because of them.

Trial exam is about one month time,
but but but but but but.......
huh.... tired tired tired tired.....

Tired~~ tired~~ tired~~ aaarrrgggghhhh~~~

I feel like going back home,
I am so tired of studying,
Why can't I just stop studying and live in Debak forever and ever with my parents?
Why others can choose to be as simple as possible...
Become teachers,
Become helper at their shops,
Become government servants,
Become a simple person...
Why should I need to strive so hard to become well known?
Why?
Why??
Why???
Why I cannot just stay at home and help them?
become a good girl that will always be there for them,
with daddy and mummy...

But when I stay at Debak for a long time,
I feel like I am rusting,
I feel like I am useless,
Why on this Earth, everything is just happened out of my expectation?
I want something I will have it,
I don't want something that will stick to me forever and ever.
I am so tired,
extremely tired,
sometimes, I even think of commit suicide...
Am I crazy?
Am I weird?
huh~~ I don't know~
I don't know what is happening...

Afternoon mare!!

I dreamt about he passed away just now~~
It was so scary~~
I woke up and sat there and cried~~
oh my goodness~~
:'(

M6

These are my friends in M6, Taylor's college.
This photo was taken 3 months ago I guess so.
During that time,
we were still not very close,
4 of us are Sarawakians (Martin, Haw Rong, Cheng Xin, me)
{have the smell of forest, there is a big bird in the sky}
2 of them are from Muar, Johor (Tevi, Shielin)
{otak-otak}
one is from Kuantan (Ya Wern)
{... ...}
The rest are from KL (Abi, Michelle, Ai Lin, Zhen Hua, Jonathan, Aaron, Ying Jing, Carol)
{like to honk when driving}

I am glad that I have this small group of peers,
cause they are so nice,
so caring,
so friendly,
so funny,
so charming,
We can get along with each other very well now,
we like to make fun in class now,
we like to have lunch together now.

Time flies,
but as time flies,
it fails to bring along the sweet memories among us,
we will always remember each other,
though only eight months,
it means a lot for me,
because I grew up and learnt many things from Taylor's.

p/s : friendship forever~~ <3